Tuesday, February 26, 2008

It is REAL, I have seen it!!!

So it started as an inebriated slur, but upon googling it...


Tonight's sermon was good. Let us celebrate in the traditional fashion of lame-ass song and dance.

Why Hydration is Important

Bnengets was running a marathon in the Sahara Desert when the paw of Dog was resting heavy upon him. Then a trumpet sounded... followed by a trombone and then a clarinet. And behold there floating, dressed in only a bajsham, a messenger of Dog. And he utterith the humble words,:
"Let the revelations begin...


Oh, I don't know I just got my mark off on Friday.

I don't like coffee, but I can learn to love it!

So Grandma needs to get wired at the hospital.

Fuck you!
Fuck Me?!

Icee, Look at your freaking cheat sheet.

If you don't eat them I might eat the whole roll.

I will shove this down your throat.

Let's keep it secret.

Drink abstinence...

Once a week this guy... once a week. Yeah, he brings in this suitcase of money.

we were actually having a conversation... Yeah, she was like that good.

The Hustler outfits look like the Playboy outfits.

After so many people started saying it I was like, 'Yeah she is my sister.' ----- 'She's a whore!'

Your hair can be what ever and you have a random collar that connects down here."

--Pre-Evangelations 2:55-70

After Bnengets receives this revelation, he is blessed with his first erection. Well, wouldn't you?

Well allow me to retort.

Touché Cali Maury. I didn't want to have to do this but...

Shinkuu Hadouken

Oh Snap!

I except your challenge Mildly Brilliant and raise you one fatty, juicy tentacle.

And on the eighth day...

Be it known: The eighth gathering of the Church of Awesomeness has come to pass.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Benny Lava

For those who don't know, Benny Lava was the disciple of Bnengets, and a great asset to the faith.

"I told a high school girl, I love you inside me."

Very prophetic.

Friday, February 22, 2008

They are behind me...

They ask no quarter. They will not budge.

The alcohol has set in, she does not respond.

Do you have any idea what it means to see your livelihood slip past you in an all too predictable way?

My phantasms have proven themselves relevent in today,
because wordless gauntlets have had their way.

If we could we would run from that shadow beyond the way,
until then we will just pull the shades.

If that isn't a postmodern mythological wet dream,
I don't know what is.

--Pre-Evangelations 12:2-12

It calls to me.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Wrestling is Gay

And here is the proof. Hogan knows best.

Douche Bag of the Week: Headbutting Aikido Board Guy

Ah, got to love it... high diving in the shallow end of the gene pool.

What Fuck is wrong with Asian people?

I just slapped you with my gauntlet Cali Maury.

Troy can't get no satisfaction.

And this is a problem, thus sayeth the good book:
Are you suggesting throwing a baseball at your pregnant sisters ankles?
You look a duck with down syndrome.
It's still burning.

It still is burning--In reference to:

So tell me about the incident at the bathroom in Claim Jumper's?
Derek quit this second.
Just throw it at him.

Oh man... I go in to take a piss. There are two guys in the stall. And one is taking a crap.
A foot slurping out of mud. We are talking projectial crap.
And the other guy is screaming Oh yeeaaaaaah!!! I have been waiting for that all fucking day!!!

So, uh yeah.
Is this chanting?

--Pre-Evangelations 06:12-22

IT is quite clear.

The Legend of Zelda: Theremin Style

Royal Trumpets Blare and...

Hear ye, hear ye. The Seventh official Church of Awesomeness is now in order!!!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The Smurfette Show

The Smurfs were immoral, this is proof!!!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Awesomeness Strikes Again: Gone Daddy Gone!!!

We have featured the works of Gnarls Barkley in the form of a Theremin jam to show off their most popular song "Crazy" but as you can see the official video is less than impressive, as the morphing digital Rorschach test effect grows old quick.

So I googled Gnarles Barkley to see if they had any other videos and I immediately recognized this video I saw on Fuse a few months ago.


And who has the right to own these?
And he saw the shiny metallic disc glimmering in the moonlight, ran to it, picking it up, and held it above his head. Bnengets triumphantly shouted, "I own a Ford, therefore it is mine." His inebriated competitors heads then bowed, because they knew his logic was flawless.

--1 Bnengets 4:77-79


Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Douche Bag of the Week: Nunchucking Backflip Guy


Dig: The Goddess of Cynicism

She is real, and she is pissed off because she was shunned by the All Mighty Butt-Sniffer.

Behold Awesomeness: Gnarls Barkley's Crazy via Theremin

Behold the Theremin in all its awesomeness. And why do I post this? The great prophet summed it up:
"And how shall we make them listen?" spoketh the elders of Mentone. Bnengets, knowing their thoughts, spoketh carefully: "Who among thou would refuse-ith Awesomeness?" And they wet themselves profusely.

--1 Bnengets 4:20-21.3333333...

Heed these words awesomites, for the refusal in life will bear the evil one's parody as judgment in Heck.