Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The C of A draws a line in the sand.

As you know, we at the Church of Awesomeness have gone out of our way to inform the public of the scourge of Octopus Porn (aka: tentacle porn) which is very much prevalent in today's society. We have brought this plague to the forefront because we feel that modern religious institutions have failed to address this threat to the fabric of society in favor of of focusing on homosexuals and pedophiles as if they could really bring a country to its knees faster than our extremely dexterous adversaries. As you can see the many tenacious tentacles pose a greater threat than that of a gabby prepubescent boy or a purse toting purple Teletubbie could ever hope to: Therefore we as concerned patrons of society have no choice but to bitch-slap the epidemic of our generation. Thus we reaffirm our moral certitude by opposing this bane of humanity, as we focus our resolve in forming Parents Opposing Octopus Porn. Let this day stain the history books...

The not so comfortable pleasure of Dog.

This is the end result of Octopus porn, bestiality onanism... Behold!

We should all bow our heads in shame.

The Walkens

Church of Awesomeness XI

Like Rocky, we just don't just don't go away.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Bob & Jimmy

Technical Difficulties

Sorr for the lack of content, the Internet is on the fritz.

Extra, extra!!! Read all about it!!!

Kasindak & Calimaury are back from purgatory (Oregon) and the tenth gathering of the Church of Awesomeness is now in session. News at eleven...

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Oh Ye Devoted!!

The humble Awesomites that are continually steadfast in the confidence of the All-Awesome Dog know that yesterday was the official International Day of Awesomeness. In order to celebrate this momentous day, CaliMaury and I, Kasindak, went to Oregon. Now, you might be a bit skeptical on how Oregon might qualify as international. Well... Have you, oh doubtful Awesomites, ever been to Oregon? It might as well be another country. As we drove across the California/Oregon border we went instantaneously from sunshine to gray overcast skies. Within moments it began to rain and it continued for the entire drive to Portland. Which means if it rains in one part of the state in rains in the whole state. Once our car was in need of fuel we stopped at a gas station and I proceeded to get out to pump gas. Evidently though, it is illegal to pump your own gas.


Indubitably, this kind of thing happens quite often. I just can't wait to get back to the golden rays of Californian sunshine, but let us not forget to bask in the Platinum rays of the All Mighty Butt-Sniffer next Monday night as we attend Church.

Thus sayeth the prophet Bnengets, "Those who entereth into the Kingdom of Dog, pleaseth him. And let those that pleaseth him rejoice for thy carpet shall not be soiled."

--1 Bnengets 7:5

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Octopus porn with a twist

Oh yeah Cali Maury, what do you make of this? I think this is more romantic than a threesome with Mr. Octopus and Octopus Jr.

Sin is spreading to a galaxy far, far away...

I am a Star: Stimulate Your Stimulus Package.

I play Mr. Stimulus...

My band is up on itunes.

Semi-crossposted at Mildly Brilliant:

Yes, Patio Furniture's latest album is now out in itunes and amazon music, for your capitalistic pleasures. As your lawyer, I advise you to purchase 10 copies, and distribute them to everyone you know. Check it out on itunes under Patio Furniture, Deep Polish, more normal than regular. Happy Days

So, I am a part of this, please support us, give us a semi-decent review, and if you can spare the change, buy it.

Oh really mildly brilliant...

Well, you can't get more old school then this.

Let it be known among the nations!!!

From now to ever more, every tenth day of March will now be known as the International Day of Awesomeness. Let all delight in the awesomeness of the day. If they do not they will be cast off by the all-awesome Dog.

Can it be true?

Hear ye, hear ye! Now beginneth the ninth day of the convening of the Church of Awesomeness! Let the ceremonial wine flow and the optional bread be eaten.
Thus sayeth Bnengets, "The sacrament of Dog was distributed among the acolytes of the Church. As time passed they began to stumble and enjoy the ground on which they were resting upon."

--1 Bnengets 4:5

Rejoice in the greatness of Dog and his Sacred Sacrament!