Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Mario Bros. Theremin Style

Yeah, it's worthy.

Stop Playing with Your Wang!

Ever since its debut in the early 70's, this device has been the desire of every nerdy pre and even some post-pubescent males. Some females have even been know to own and even correctly operate the Wang 600.

As you can see, who wouldn't want to have such a beefy Wang... 600.

Cynical Heiroglyphs

This prehistoric relief was found carved into the side of a cliff on the shores of Mentone Beach. I am not sure what the significance of it is, but it appears to portray the Goddess of Cynicism in human form. As for the symbol and the apparatus beside her and their meaning, I can only guess. I will ask the Arch Bishop when he awakes.

Eli & Satan Paint

Yeah, this didn't happen at church, but rather at Brian's House, but it was such a good picture of Satan I just had to include it. Look at her all perched, waiting to destroy whatever Eli would create.

Jouse: Queen of the Ewoks

Goddess of all things cute and tiny. If it is small, bites, nips at your heels, or is fixated on your nipples, chances are it is a servant, avatar, or manifestation of the munchkin herself. There is no reasoning with this deity. The best thing you can do is hold her head at arms length and let her swing until she is exhausted.

Bastardology 101: Diagnosing a sick bastard.

Something was wrong with the bastard tonight. He wasn't his normal charming self. First of all he was nice, and lovey-dovey. Second of all he seemed to lack his normal feral attitude towards everything under the sun. It was like he lost his common sense...

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Have an Awesome Halloween!!!

That said, the Church of Awesomeness regrets to inform it's pack (flocks are for sheep) that there will be no service this Monday evening/Tuesday morning due Arch Bishop Troy's and my schedules. We also apologize for the lack of original content, which can only be the result of witchcraft. If anyone has the number of Sarah Palin's pastor, please contact us ASAP.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Jesus Light Switch

The sad part is I don't think this was intended to be a joke. If you look closely you can make out the words "HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER" just below the J-man's chest.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Octonistas are killing Sharks now.

No really!!! First it was our women, now they want our sharks. Won't somebody stop these spineless bastards?

"Revenge of the Shit" (or "Sith Happens")

Arch Bishop Troy should have known better to release the Force in the restroom. Did he think they would not be retaliation? For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. It is a basic law of the universe. Prepare yourself Arch Bishop, for you have crossed paths with the Derek Side of the Force. You have been warned.

Now you will witness the true power of the Awesome Side of the Force.

I didn't want to release this information this early in the game, but due to Troy releasing the Dark Side of the Force in the restroom without spraying the Frebreeze, my hand has been forced. I found a picture of Troy from the late seventies that implicates him and CauliMaury with ties to the Rebel Alliance. I guess the first give away was the light saber hanging on the wall.

Monday, October 6, 2008

A test of thy devotion!

Come hither, oh ye Awesomite! A test of thine fanaticism to the church is in order. Just clickith on this link and you will be redirected to the testing site. That is but only the easy part. To prove before Dog that you are a true Awesomite doth be the hard part.

Click here to commence your test!


You learn something new every day!

So I am guessing they fart as well. You know what! The next thing they will be saying is that the world is a sphere that bulges a bit at the equator due to centripetal force. Who ever heard of such nonsense?