Friday, March 6, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
Ok, I'll bite... 25 random things about me.
1. I like tequila, not José Cuervo.
2. I am an Atheist, and no this isn't just a phase I'm going through.
3. Charles Bukowski is one of my favorite writers.
4. I love cheese, which makes my lactose intolerance that more ironic.
5. I have been known to close cupboard doors & flick off light switches with my feet, and shin kick palm trees when I am drunk.
6. Long hair on a woman gets me harder than Chinese algebra.
7. I am pedantic.
8. You truly don't know a person until you play Chess with them.
9. My ASVAB test pointed towards these professions: politician, teacher, sniper, & dancer?
10. Just like in photography, there is a "magic hour" in which I am a pretty damn good pool player; but it's when I'm moderately intoxicated; and like Sisyphus, I never get that rock up that fucking hill.
11. I think Troy is a fuckrock.
12. Yeah, that is an inside joke, and no I am not going to explain.
13. I own an RV and it is named "The Divine Providence": Ironic, isn't it?
14. I have thick healthy Blagojevich-worthy hair down to the middle of my back and it pisses a lot of women off.
15. I am right-handed, though I can be ambidextrous when it comes to most things.
16. I am a liberal Democrat that enjoys the Second Amendment.
17. Brian Wilson's best works were "Don't Worry Baby", "God Only Knows", and "Good Vibrations".
18. I wear eight hole Doc Martins (size 11) and Levi 527's (34/30 boot cut) if you are wondering what to buy me.
19. I love sushi... Yet interestingly enough don't like most cooked fish.
20. I spit on a llama once. He started it. No, really... I was fourteen and my mom yelled at me for it.
21. I am currently studying to be a Radiology Tech.
22. House is my favorite TV show at the moment. Big surprise.
23. There is no "R' in Washington, and if you pronounce it like that you sound ignorant.
24. Of all negative personality aspects, I hate lying. I view it as an insult to my intelligence.
25. If there ever was a "Heaven", it involves wine tasting in Northern California, a whole lot of sex, chocolate and fruit.
2. I am an Atheist, and no this isn't just a phase I'm going through.
3. Charles Bukowski is one of my favorite writers.
4. I love cheese, which makes my lactose intolerance that more ironic.
5. I have been known to close cupboard doors & flick off light switches with my feet, and shin kick palm trees when I am drunk.
6. Long hair on a woman gets me harder than Chinese algebra.
7. I am pedantic.
8. You truly don't know a person until you play Chess with them.
9. My ASVAB test pointed towards these professions: politician, teacher, sniper, & dancer?
10. Just like in photography, there is a "magic hour" in which I am a pretty damn good pool player; but it's when I'm moderately intoxicated; and like Sisyphus, I never get that rock up that fucking hill.
11. I think Troy is a fuckrock.
12. Yeah, that is an inside joke, and no I am not going to explain.
13. I own an RV and it is named "The Divine Providence": Ironic, isn't it?
14. I have thick healthy Blagojevich-worthy hair down to the middle of my back and it pisses a lot of women off.
15. I am right-handed, though I can be ambidextrous when it comes to most things.
16. I am a liberal Democrat that enjoys the Second Amendment.
17. Brian Wilson's best works were "Don't Worry Baby", "God Only Knows", and "Good Vibrations".
18. I wear eight hole Doc Martins (size 11) and Levi 527's (34/30 boot cut) if you are wondering what to buy me.
19. I love sushi... Yet interestingly enough don't like most cooked fish.
20. I spit on a llama once. He started it. No, really... I was fourteen and my mom yelled at me for it.
21. I am currently studying to be a Radiology Tech.
22. House is my favorite TV show at the moment. Big surprise.
23. There is no "R' in Washington, and if you pronounce it like that you sound ignorant.
24. Of all negative personality aspects, I hate lying. I view it as an insult to my intelligence.
25. If there ever was a "Heaven", it involves wine tasting in Northern California, a whole lot of sex, chocolate and fruit.
Vocalise on the theremin
Randy George, the guy who brought us Gnarles Barkley's, the Super Mario Bros and Zelda theme songs on theremin, is at it again on this piece by Rachmaninov.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
All your base are belong to us!!!
And heavens cracked like an egg, and the Dog of hosts spaketh "All your base are belong to us!!!" And the people who felt the burden of such news cried out in anguish "Oh no, they set us up the bomb!!!"
--2 Bnengets 54:12-13
No truer words have ever been spoken...
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Movie Review: Star Warped
There are several things we could have done this evening that we could have done to kill thirty four minutes. Group masturbation games involving toast comes to mind, as well as making sure the rectal thermometer still works. Honestly, I wouldn't even subject Heinrich Himmler to this onslaught of Trisomy 21 influenced clay-mation. Perhaps mass enemas would have been a better use of time.
This is the result of too much available stop-motion technology and modeling clay coupled with the lack of much needed supervision of acne ridden comic con nerds that would have been better off spending their time beating off to pictures of Bobba Fett and Princess Leia. The plot is simple: a disruption in the space-time continuum has brought poorly sculpted renditions of our favorite sci-fi characters together to fight a war of good and evil which will determine the fate of the universe. The main protagonists are cheap knock offs of Spock and Captain Kirk from the original Star Trek series, who must get back the monolith to restore order as instructed by the Star Child from 2001, which suspiciously sounds like a foul mouthed Sean Connery. Their adversary is "Darth Vapor": a lame flatulent two-dimensional parody of Darth Vader that would have been better off being voiced by Pee Wee Herman. Alliances are formed on both sides involving Robocop, E.T., The Terminator, Alien, The Predator, and Darth Mini Maul: another proponent of the "Dark Smell of the Force".
Personally, the only "Dark Smell" we could detect emanated from this movie. Should you feel the need to punish yourself in this way you could watch this movie, but it would be equally entertaining to piss in a live wall socket.
We give this movie a -2 stars.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Happy Birthday Jouse!!!
We got you a cake in honor of your nineteenth birthday, but it must have been made by an illegal alien or something because he severely mispelled your name. Oh well, it is the thought that counts.
I don't even know what to make of this...
Apparently the Octonistas are no longer content peddling their hardcore smut propaganda and have opted to go into the advertisement field. Perhaps they are exploring new avenues of indoctrination, or are looking for new sources of revenue... I can't be sure, but what I do know is that we must boycott any product they are affiliated with. I encourage all Awesomites to abstain from drinking Orangina and if possible, write the company expressing your outrage.
Side note: It is apparent that James Dobson is not taking this threat seriously, so if you want to voice your concerns to a culture warrior, I suggest Tony Perkins.
Side note: It is apparent that James Dobson is not taking this threat seriously, so if you want to voice your concerns to a culture warrior, I suggest Tony Perkins.
Kierra's "tiny" feet
I have had a theory about the Arch Bishop for some time now. He far too tall to be a mere mortal. In fact, I suspect he is descended from nephilim... That is to say somewhere in his family tree someone got freaky with an angel. I present to you exhibit A: the footprints of his newborn daughter. How many human infants have feet this large?
This is by far the most damning evidence to date.
This is by far the most damning evidence to date.
Awesomeness Returns!!!
Well sort of... It was a minimal sermon tonight for several reasons. First of all as a new father the Arch Bishop doesn't have as much free time as he used to, and had already promised his girlfriend he would run errands with her the next day. Secondly, I am just recovered from the stomach flu, which needless to say, was anything but awesome. And lastly, the Internets crapped out like clockwork at about ten.
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