Nick was sad... And admit it, you've thought of it.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
The Fifteenth Church of Awesomeness Begins!!!
And not only that, but I turned thirty a few minutes ago. Happy Birthday to me. Now if you don't mind I need to locate booze and a firearm.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Consorting with Dog
My mailbox has become inundated with e-mails asking how one communes with Dog. Of course the answer can easily be found in the good book:
"And how do we speak to this 'Dog' teacher?" But Bnengets saw into their hearts and replied "Do you hesitate to speak to a dog when soils your couch? Do you not yell at it? Does that dog understand you? No, they understand gestures. If you wish to be marked as Dog's territory you must show your submissiveness by meditating on your face. Then thy Almighty Butt-Sniffer will baptize you in his golden glory.
-- 2 Bnengets 3:56-62
Arch Bishop Troy has been known to do this for hours.
Monday, April 14, 2008
And on the Fourteenth day...
Of the fourth month, the fourteenth meeting of the Church of Awesomeness took place. And there was much rejoicing.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Awesomites: We need your help!
Nothing is more crucial to democracy than that of a voting populace. That is why it is imperative that all Awesonites vote ASAP. No, I am not talking about the Presidential elections, I am talking about our polls--specifically the one about the greatest threat to humanity. Now we at the Church of Awesomeness would never dream of telling one how one should vote, but one should take into serious consideration the bane to humanity that is known as octopus porn. Just saying...
OMD! They got Cyndi Lauper too. Those Bastards!!!
It is clear from the video that she wasn't a willing participant in the debauchery, still I don't think I will be thinking of her in a lustful way anymore since she has been tainted by their tentacle touch.
South Park vs. Youtube Stars
Saw this episode and was curious to see the original people it lampoons. Turns out someone on Youtube did all the legwork for me.
Deleted Scene from the Goonies
We were busy being distracted from our devotional duties to Dog by this movie called "The Goonies" when we stumbled upon this deleted scene where Martha Plimpton is molested by a giant octopus. Will they stop at nothing?
Monday, April 7, 2008
Ok, ok... Keep your shirt on.
The thirteenth convening of the Church of Awesomeness is about to begin. Anyone need to use the restroom before we start?
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Show the Octonistas You're Not Going to Take It Any More
Make a stand by sporting our official shirt and let our eight limbed friends know that we are not going to except their promiscuous lifestyle.
What's worse than octopus sex?
Gay octopus sex. These creatures are immoral. Quick someone alert James Dobson.
Why worry about terrorists when elephants can paint.
Seriously, I am not worried about Bobo leading an army of pissed off primates to enslave mankind. Nor do I worry about artificial intelligence getting a hair up its cybornetic ass and going postal on humanity. And a six foot arab on dialysis doesn't make me wet myself either, but the fact that elephants are crashing the art scene these days... that is down right disturbing. It is only a matter of time before they learn kung fu, take up nunchukus, or pick up a RPG and declare jihad.
Look, up in the sky!!!
It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a Black Bismark... No, it's the twelfth meeting of the Church of Awesomeness!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
