My mailbox has become inundated with e-mails asking how one communes with Dog. Of course the answer can easily be found in the good book:
"And how do we speak to this 'Dog' teacher?" But Bnengets saw into their hearts and replied "Do you hesitate to speak to a dog when soils your couch? Do you not yell at it? Does that dog understand you? No, they understand gestures. If you wish to be marked as Dog's territory you must show your submissiveness by meditating on your face. Then thy Almighty Butt-Sniffer will baptize you in his golden glory.
-- 2 Bnengets 3:56-62
Arch Bishop Troy has been known to do this for hours.
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